A psychological perspective on goal setting, values, and mental health
Goal setting and self-improvement are often presented as motivating or empowering. Yet for many people, they can also bring pressure, self-doubt, or a persistent sense of falling behind.
At the beginning of a new year, there is often an increased focus on change, progress, and doing better. For some, this feels hopeful. For others, it feels exhausting or overwhelming — particularly if life already feels demanding, emotionally heavy, or uncertain.
At Aperture Psychology, we frequently work with people who are not lacking motivation. In fact, many are already trying very hard. In these circumstances, goal setting can quietly shift from supporting growth to becoming a measure of whether someone is coping “well enough”.
A psychological approach to goal setting invites a gentler, more realistic way of thinking about change — one that supports mental health rather than undermining it.
Why goal setting can feel motivating for some — and overwhelming for others
Goals can provide structure and direction, especially during periods of transition or uncertainty. They can help people organise their energy and move toward what matters to them.
At the same time, goals can become heavy when they are shaped by comparison, unrealistic expectations, or internal pressure. What is sometimes described as a “lack of motivation” is often more accurately a reflection of emotional load, stress, and available capacity.
The same goal can feel manageable in one season of life and overwhelming in another. This is not a failure of effort or character. It reflects the reality that our internal resources and external demands change over time.
Psychological factors that influence whether goals feel achievable
From a psychological perspective, behaviour change is influenced by far more than intention or willpower. Stress levels, emotional regulation, mental health symptoms, sleep, and overall cognitive load all affect whether a goal feels achievable.
When someone is living with anxiety, depression, burnout, or prolonged stress, even small goals can feel out of reach. This is often accompanied by self-criticism or confusion about why following through feels so difficult.
Rather than viewing this as a personal shortcoming, therapy encourages a different lens: difficulty with goals is often useful information. It may signal that something else needs care or attention before change can be sustained.
When goals become tied to self-worth
For many people, goals are not only about behaviour — they gradually become tied to identity, self-esteem, and worth. Progress may feel reassuring, while setbacks can trigger shame, disappointment, or harsh self-judgement.
This pattern is particularly common for people with high standards, strong responsibility schemas, or long-standing beliefs about needing to perform or achieve in order to be “enough”. When goals become measures of personal value, change can start to feel emotionally risky rather than supportive.
From a mental health perspective, separating self-worth from goal achievement is an important protective step. A person’s value does not increase or decrease based on productivity, outcomes, or consistency.
The role of all-or-nothing thinking in goal setting
All-or-nothing thinking is a common obstacle in goal setting. Goals can begin to feel either fully achieved or completely failed, with little room for flexibility in between.
When this happens, small disruptions — a missed day, a change in routine, or an unexpected stressor — can lead to disengagement rather than adjustment. Over time, this can reinforce a sense of giving up or “why bother trying at all”. Paradoxically, the intense pressure applied contributes to inconsistency.
A more psychologically supportive approach recognises that progress is rarely linear. Pauses, fluctuations, and recalibration are part of sustainable change, not evidence that something has gone awry.
Why values matter more than goals
From an evidence-based psychological perspective, goals are most helpful when they are grounded in personal values rather than pressure, comparison, or self-criticism.
Values reflect what genuinely matters to a person — such as connection, kindness, health, learning, or balance. Unlike goals, values are not completed or failed. They provide ongoing direction rather than rigid benchmarks.
When goals are disconnected from values, they often feel empty, draining, or anxiety-provoking. When they are values-based, they tend to feel more meaningful and flexible. For example, a value of connection might guide small, achievable actions toward social engagement, rather than a rigid expectation to “be more social”. These steps then have the power to create greater positive change.
In therapy, we often begin by helping clients clarify their values before setting goals at all. This shifts the focus from “What should I be doing?” to “What kind of person do I want to be, even in difficult circumstances?” or “What do I want my life to be about?”.
What healthy goal setting looks like from a mental health perspective
Healthy goal setting is flexible, compassionate, and responsive to real life. Rather than focusing only on outcomes, it takes emotional capacity, context, and wellbeing into account.
From a psychological perspective, supportive goals:
Are grounded in personal values
Allow for adjustment rather than perfection
Prioritise sustainability over intensity
Make room for rest, uncertainty, and emotional needs
In therapy, this often involves shifting the question from “Why can’t I stick to this?” to “What is making this hard right now, and what support is needed?”
When goal setting starts to affect mental health
While goals are often intended to support growth, they can sometimes contribute to distress. Signs that goal setting may be affecting mental health include:
Persistent self-criticism or shame
Anxiety about progress or performance
Avoidance due to fear of failure
Feeling defined by outcomes or productivity
These experiences are common for people seeking support around anxiety, burnout, perfectionism, and self-worth. In therapy, we explore not only the goals themselves, but the emotional and cognitive patterns shaping a person’s relationship with change.
Frequently asked questions
Why does goal setting increase anxiety or stress for some people?
Goal setting can increase anxiety when goals become tied to self-worth, comparison, or unrealistic expectations. When progress feels like a measure of personal value, pressure and self-criticism often follow.
Is it normal to struggle with goals during burnout or depression?
Yes. Burnout and depression affect energy, motivation, concentration, and emotional regulation. Difficulty following through on goals in these periods is not a lack of discipline, but a signal that support and recovery may be needed.
What is healthy goal setting from a psychological perspective?
Healthy goal setting considers emotional capacity, mental health, and context. It prioritises values, flexibility, and self-compassion over constant performance or outcome-based success.
Can therapy help with goal setting and motivation?
Yes. Therapy can help identify the beliefs, emotions, and patterns that interfere with goal setting, and support values-based, sustainable change that aligns with wellbeing rather than pressure.
A gentler way forward
Self-improvement does not need to be driven by urgency or self-criticism. From a psychological perspective, meaningful change often unfolds through understanding, care, and alignment with what truly matters.
Goals can be held lightly. Growth does not require constant striving, and wellbeing does not need deadlines. Sometimes the most helpful shift is moving from asking how to improve, to asking what is needed.
Support with goals and wellbeing
If goal setting has started to feel overwhelming or tied to self-worth, working with a psychologist may help. Therapy can provide space to clarify values, explore underlying patterns, and support change that is both meaningful and mentally sustainable.
Our clinical psychologists work across two Sydney locations - Randwick and Marrickville - with many offering appointments via telehealth across Australia, so our clients can access care wherever they are.
We are constantly updating information on our website about the evidence-based therapy and assessments we provide, and we also share useful information on our blog and newsletter.
To find out more, refer a client or make an appointment, visit our website or contact our team today.
